Set Apart

Set apart from the everyday dishes

God has a thing about setting people apart by His grace and for His work. But I don't think its exactly easy to be set apart - especially for our kids. I remember being a teenager, it was all about fitting in and not standing out. Being set apart can feel like being left out, and yet this is what I want for my kids.

During the course of their day, temptations and shifting boundaries are constantly in front of our kids. Using foul language, disrespect, cheating, ignoring or making fun of others, pornography, drinking, sex, lying, and more are coming at our kids constantly. I want, and expect, my kids to resist each of these. I don't think it's easy. I really don't. I believe this is a hard road sometimes. In fact, my oldest has shared that having different standards has, at times, been very hard indeed.

Courtney's Dishes

So I talk to them - a lot. We have spoken about pornography at our dinner table. I hate that. But we will talk about tough subjects until they become easy to talk about. I don't want my kids to wonder where we stand on these subjects and I want them to be clear about our expectations. I want them them to know they have a purpose; that I believe God himself has set them apart.

Erin's Dishes

One of the tools I use to let them know they are set apart is china. When each of the girls entered high school I gave them each one place setting and wrote a letter about being set apart. I knew these years would be increasingly difficult. In the letter I told them about attributes I see in them already that indicate being set apart. I remind them that practicing boundaries now will help them be more confident later in saying no. I gave them verses from the Bible regarding being set apart. I explained that the dishes were special - like them - and would not be kept in the kitchen with the everyday dishes, but would be set apart and kept in the oak hutch in the dining room.

I let them know that they can get these dishes out anytime they want, that they can use them for dinner, a snack, cereal, or even ice-cream. They can use them to remind themselves of their value and purpose. I also told them that sometimes they will find their dishes at the dinner table, that I will set the table with  them as a reminder that I am thinking of them.

Zach's Dishes

I wondered what to give Zach, I wasn't sure he would appreciate a set of dishes, but this summer I changed my mind, and I picked up one place setting of "manly dishes". I decided that he should have a set too because one, I love the symbol that I can easily put in front of them, and two, I know the girls appreciate when they come to the table and find their special dishes at their place. I use these dishes as a quiet way to say I love you. I'm thinking of you. I think you're special. I'm proud of you. I believe in you. Be encouraged, you've been set apart intentionally.

I can't remember where I got the idea for the dishes, but I thought I would share it with you as it seems to be one my kids really appreciate. Feel free to share your ideas about how you remind your kids that they are special!

Blessed to be a Blessing

Zach came home a few weeks ago and said Chris, one of the younger guys on the football team, (that he had been driving to and from practice all summer because his mom works) was selling candy bars to help raise money for a mission trip he was taking. Zach wondered out loud how many he could buy. When I asked why, he said something about wanting to help this kid (it was a mission trip after all) and he wanted to blow him away through generosity.

So Zach asked all of us how much we would each contribute; everyone in our family put money in the pot. It was neat to watch that happen. Then he texted his friend.

"How many candy bars do you have left?"
"46."
"I'll take all of them."
"Are you kidding me?!"
"Nope, I'll take all of them!"
"Awesome!!!!!"

Zach said Chris was really blown away when he picked up the candy bars the next day.

I just love this.

Blessed to be a blessing is something our pastor, Stan Buck, has spoken about often. Kevin and I really took this to heart this past year when he challenged all of the church body to tip generously when we go out to eat. He wondered what that could look like across our community if everyone did that. Stan has challenged us before on this, but it really landed on us this most recent time. I have to say, we have had a blast tipping generously these past several months. Its funny, because we never see the staff get their tip, but we imagine what they must think when they see what we have left. (As a former waitress, I don't have a problem imagining this.)

This generosity we saw in Zach wasn't the first time we had seen something like that. Earlier in the summer Courtney's boyfriend had taken her out to lunch and she asked to leave the tip. She left a gigantic tip and she told us how fun it was to leave it and walk away! Again, I love this.

I write this not to boast of our generosity, I write it this for these reasons:

• To point out the impact one person had by issuing a challenge. One person influenced much giving.
• Our kids are watching what we are doing - this can be good news or scary news - I guess it depends on what we are doing!
• We are influencing our kids through our actions. We are. They see what we do and they do it too. What are we doing?

All good things to ponder.

Growing Up is Hard to Do....

I wrote about Erin over here

Sidelined

It takes a lot to knock us moms off our game, but last week a fever and horrible body aches knocked me way off of my game; I spent 36 hours either in bed or on the couch. Although there was much on my plate for the week, and my kids and others were counting on me, there was nothing I could do.

Late in the afternoon on day one Courtney sent a text to ask how I was feeling. That was so thoughtful. Then later Erin received a text message from Courtney letting her know that she (Courtney) would be making dinner. Wow. With Kevin not likely to be home in time for Erin's softball game, Zach said he would drive Erin to her game and stay to watch her. Nice.

It is amazing to watch these children grow up, sometimes right before my eyes. Every so often I miss the little kids that they were, but I am amazed constantly by the young adults they have become.

I'm glad to be healthy and back in the game now, but seeing how the other players moved to make sure things got covered assured my time on the sidelines was not a total loss. Thanks team. Its heartwarming to know you've got my back.

These Days

These kids of mine - Summer 2009
Erin 12, Kyler 11, Courtney 17, Zach 14, me....younger   :)

So this week....
Courtney started a full-time (paid!) summer engineering internship. I loved the two weeks she was home from college but not yet working. We had time for shopping, lunch, the Y and more. I love that she is working and learning and growing...and I am preparing myself to FULLY experience this summer with her because next year she may be working out of town at a co-op job. Sigh. It's good. Really it is, said the mom to herself. And somewhere in her heart she knew it was true. 

Zach got his drivers license today! On my gosh....another teen driver in our house...and on our insurance (!) sigh. As we he was driving home from the BMV, I realized how much I will miss picking him up and dropping him off. This time alone in the car has been a great way to touch base, to hear about his day, to have him alone. I won't miss driving him to football conditioning and practice at 7:00 am on the upcoming summer mornings...except that in a way I actually will, knew the mom.

Erin turns fourteen this week. Fourteen. We shopped for her birthday gifts - which were not baby dolls and Polly Pockets. She is wrapping up her last twelve days of middle school and is heading to high school in a few short months. How did this happen to our little bundle of joy? wondered the mother who still sees the crib in the nursery window somewhere in her minds eye.

Last week I wrote of Kyler, this week I am mindful of the other three. Although, I will say that Kyler did give us a change of spirit; it has been here for 48 hours. I can't recall the last time his spirit has been soft - I'm not kidding, its been that long. So there is a gratitude for the grace of God upon this one. Thank you Jesus, whispered his mom.

It happens so quickly, yet really, just one ordinary day at a time. Our time is fleeting...and that is if we even have the time we think we should. Intentional - even in the grocery shopping, errand running, dropping off, picking up, game watching, homework helping, TV watching, making popcorn days. Because really, these are all the days we have, remembered the mom.

More than Enough Room

Have you ever gone back home as an adult, walked through the doors and slid back into the role, or position, you had as a child? Do you suddenly become the baby, middle or eldest? The favorite, the prince, the ornery one, the trouble maker, the responsible one, or the peace maker? I have been thinking about this a fair amount as I anticipated Courtney returning for the summer after her first year away at college.

One of the joys of parenting these kids is seeing who they are becoming. I believe the basics of personality and character are in place, but there is so much more of them yet to unfold. As I wrote here, it has been a year of change for each of our kids. I took a little time to talk to the baby and the middle one the day we drove to retrieve the eldest. :) I brought to their attention that they had each changed and grew in this past year and that I hoped that they would walk in that change even as things went back to feeling "normal" with the return of their sister.

We send our kids off to the next phase (college or independent living) with hope and expectation of growth and change. So I believe its important to not put them back into their same places when they come back home; they won't really fit there anymore anyway, and this is a good thing. I want my kids to leave home and then be comfortable coming back bigger, broader, and wiser. But I'm not sure this comes naturally to us parents, for me it has been an intentional thought process.

I heard a mom say today that she was disappointed when her family didn't do an Easter egg hunt this year. (her kids are in college and high school) She said that no matter how old her kids get, she wants them to hunt for eggs. This sounds to me as if she is trying to preserve what has been...for her sake. But I think when we do that we prevent what is...for all of our sakes.

I get that I am new at this stage of parenting. I know that I don't even know what I don't know. I believe there are seasoned parents reading this who have experiences of which I am completely unaware and may be shaking their heads at how naive I am.

I just know that if I expect my kids to quit changing because it makes me sad then I will miss out - and they may end up pretending to be someone they are not...just to seem like they fit. That is exactly the opposite of what we taught them - please don't be someone you're not just to fit in.

So, welcome home Courtney, stand tall Zach, Erin and Kyler. You are each becoming really great young adults and there is room enough in this mother's heart and mind to accommodate all that you are and all that you will become.

Let You Go?

It was a Monday afternoon when she said it. She was in the back seat as we were running errands. There was no drama in her voice, just a simple sentence. "I don't know how I'll go to first grade next year mom."

"Well," I told her as I glanced in the rear view mirror, "just like you go to kindergarten...on the bus."

"No," she said, "I mean I'm not sure how I'm going to let you go."

How do they do that? How do they take your grown up heart and make it come undone?

Overall I am pretty confident in my role as a mom. But I have to admit there have been days where it seems everything else comes before them. There are nights I have tucked these kids in and thought to myself, I have met their needs, but I'm not sure I have even looked them in the eye once today.

At the time, Erin's comment made me wonder, how was I ever going to let her go? When I'm on the phone, cleaning or running errands with her in tow, I comfort myself with the thought that I can give her some good attention later. Not really thinking that at some point later won't really be an option.

So I pondered the question I sometimes ask myself, Am I a good mom?

As I helped her dress the next morning, she stopped and looked me in the eye and very purposely began, "Mom..." She went on to tell a story, and I stopped, looked her in the eye and gave her my full, unhurried attention. It was a moment when I felt God whisper, "This is it" and I knew in my heart that I was a good mom.

Its moments. There is not much this side of heaven that is non-stop, continuous, uninterrupted. There will be days in which I feel guilty, there will be times that "later" never arrives. But there will also be days that I get it all right, where the time is invested in the right place at the right time, where deep discussions and light laughter take place over macaroni and cheese. There will be moments that I know, "This is it."

This article was originally published November 12, 2002 and is being published here today specifically for the moms in the Sonrise MOPS Group, where I serve as a Mentor Mom. Be encouraged and reminded that you were the one chosen to be the mom for the children in your home. Look them in the eye, get your errands done, take time for yourself, soak in the moments that matter, believe in yourself, trust God for placing you here. ~Sheri

Pause.

The countdown is on...3 more days of school!

We are right on the edge of no schedules, fewer commitments, longer days, sleeping in and late movies! This is always my favorite time of year, although it is a little different this year as the end of this school year also means the end of high school for our oldest daughter.

Which means we have a graduation party around the corner, which also means there's lots going on here that involves paint brushes and patios and even carpet....yep, right to the front of the line on that craziness. So in the busyness it could be easy to not take time to explore some of the feelings that occasionally are popping up, but today something caught my attention and I paused.

It was almost as if the little girl version of my daughter skipped across my mind. I tried to catch her before she was out of sight, but I couldn't.

I found myself thinking about how quickly it now seems that she went from that adorable little girl to the mature, beautiful and intelligent young woman who graces my life today. It seems as if we are abruptly coming to the end of parenting her as we have known it thus far. But of course it didn't happen suddenly. It happened gradually, one stage at a time, and a new stage is on its way again.

I wonder how my heart will feel when she is not here daily. I wonder how often I will look for her, long for her. I wonder if I have planted in her to this point all that I intended, all that I could, all that I should. I felt a tear begin in my chest, move slowly to my eye and slide gently down my face.

In the craziness of the busyness, I will pause to catch the real life girl here in my home before she is just out of reach.

While I was Away, You Spent $50 on What?

Before we left for New York, I asked the three older kids, who were being left home alone for the weekend (minus the youngest of the four) if they wanted me to prepare meals ahead of time, or if they wanted grocery money and they could figure it out. They opted for the grocery money.

Courtney (almost 18) and Zach (15 1/2) headed to the grocery store on Friday evening and with a cart and a calculator in hand and roamed the isles for weekend sustenance to share with their sister Erin.

Here is what they found:

S'mores PopTarts
Chocolate Donut Holes
Fruit by the Foot
Puffed Popcorn
Gatorade
Pepsi
Cheesecake
Reese's Pieces
Corn Dogs
Strawberries (alas something respectable)

There was some cash left, so they used the balance to go to lunch at Panera on Sunday after church.

What I love about this is ~ they made a plan, budgeted wisely (by that I mean they had a calculator) gained a new appreciation for my shopping expertise, time management (I heard it took them an hour to shop for the above items) and knowledge of the layout of the store. I love that they even valued saving some cash for a meal out together.

I appreciated that their goal was to purchase all the things they like but that I do not buy. Good job children of mine. I am indeed proud of you. I mean that sincerely.

P.S. There was no milk and no bread in the house when we arrived back home. There were however pop and donuts.