Really, Congressman, really?!

Dear Teenagers of Mine,

Today its been all over the news that New York Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted to sending inappropriate pictures of himself to women. (after lying about it for several days) So, I have to take this opportunity to talk to you again (you know how I am) about cell phones.

I love that we have cell phones. It is a wonderful and even effective way for us to communicate. We've talked and will continue to talk about being responsible with your phones. We've talked about not texting anyone you don't know, about not texting what you would not say to someones face. We've talked about not texting excessively. We've talked about texting and driving. I've read your messages and I will continue to "spot check" your messages.If you want complete privacy, then become an adult and pay for your own phone.

Since I believe knowledge is power, let's talk again about the camera on your phone, and let's talk again about sexting, (I'm sorry that in 2011, this is the conversation I must have with you but unfortunately it is.) In 2009 the Pew Research Center found that:

• 4% of cell-owning teens ages 12-17 say they have sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of themselves to someone else via text messaging.
  
• 15% of cell-owning teens ages 12-17 say they have received sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of someone they know via text messaging on their cell phone.
  
• Older teens are much more likely to send and receive these images; 8% of 17-year-olds with cell phones have sent a sexually provocative image by text and 30% have received a nude or nearly nude image on their phone.
  
• The teens who pay their own phone bills are more likely to send "sexts": 17% of teens who pay for all of the costs associated with their cell phones send sexually suggestive images via text; just 3% of teens who do not pay for, or only pay for a portion of the cost of the cell phone send these images.

This data reminds me that there are many peers around you not thinking. It reminds me that you are at risk for sending, but even more at risk of receiving an inappropriate text message. It reminds me there are many around you not being inappropriate but also, that many around you are being appropriate.

Sometimes I forget what you are up against as you navigate through this life. But today I was reminded (via all network and cable stations) that sometimes even grown-ups who we trust to be wise and appropriate, are not. Sometimes even those we deem intelligent and living above reproach, are not.

My every expectation is that you will display wisdom, boundaries, maturity and purity with that phone in your pocket. That you will be more responsible and mature than even some adults. I believe in each of you.

Love,
Mom

Here's a good resource, That's Not Cool.  
Here is one more true great resource on this topic.

I Gotta Go....

I wrote here today about
cell phones and cashiers.

Also...the Give Away continues,

see the post below, and leave a comment with a favorite parenting resource. When we reach 25, I will give away one of mine to one of you! I'm adding one more resource that I loved when our daughter began dating.

A No Phone Zone

My baby girl had her 13th birthday party on Friday night. I love it when a group of friends gather at our house. I love hearing them talk and laugh and I love providing a place for connection. I did something this year that started last year at her 12th birthday party...I made the party a "No Phone Zone".

I went downstairs after the girls had arrived and a few of the girls were texting while sitting in the group, I asked to take the phones and put them up in the kitchen as this party would be a "No Phone Zone". One girl said I was kind of like Oprah. (!?) Another girl said something about us doing this last year and gladly offered me her phone. Each girl who had a phone handed it right over and a few girls, one who had a phone, and one who did not, even thanked me!

I was talking to my 17 year old daughter about it the next day and she said that the whole texting thing is definitely a distraction and many times a peer pressure thing. She said that sometimes you are sitting in a group and many people are texting and if you are not, you sit there kind of awkwardly and so you get out your phone just so you don't feel so awkward.

This sounded almost unreal to me, but it is the truth of where much of our culture is right now. And navigating it as a mom (or dad) can be confusing and frustrating. But navigate it we must. Our young kids should not take the lead on this, we need to be their guide. We need to create the boundaries because they don't necessarily have it within them to create them on their own. When the crowd moves, most move with it. (I do anyway)

Let's keep talking to our kids about cell phones and texting and expectations and manners; empower them to stand apart from the crowd. Let's help them to be brave, and stand with them when they feel lonely. Let's keep talking to our kids about this.

It's easy to not understand the pressures our kids are under each and every day. Its convenient to judge what they are doing without understanding the culture they move within. We may not have the answers, but remember, our kids don't either...let's walk alongside them in this world of instant technology that can feel oh so captivating.

I'm curious to hear your feedback on this, leave your comments below!