Kevin Steps in

As I write this, it is exactly one week from the day that Sheri will watch a mother be named American Mothers, Inc.’s 2011 Young Mother of the Year. We will no longer be able to refer to Sheri as THE Young Mother of the Year. We kid her that she will need to “give up her crown.” The reality is that there is no actual crown, and Sheri is even more humble about her abilities to parent today – especially when she compares herself to the other mothers in her network – than she was when she was named the 2010 Young Mother of the Year.

In honor of the passing of an age I decided to hijack Sheri’s blog and share the words I spoke at an event honoring Sheri this past year:

“Before I met Sheri I had a mental picture of what my wife would be like. She would be perfect in every way. Perfect hair, perfect face, perfect body, perfect judgment, always said the perfect thing at the perfect time – perfect, perfect, perfect. Then I met the Sheri, the woman I would befriend, fall in love with, marry - the woman with whom I would start a family. As it turned out, she was not perfect. However, it is in her imperfection that Sheri has become an incredible mother.

When our children were very young, Sheri recognized that she was not a perfect parent, so she sought help. She signed us up for parenting classes. She read books. She found mothers who had walked the parenthood path before she did and sought their council. She has taken every opportunity to learn to be a better mother.

Because she is not perfect, Sheri has made parenting mistakes and has learned from them. She has developed a set of experiences and tools that cover a wide variety of parenting issues. Mentoring younger mothers is a passion of Sheri’s. Since she has shared similar struggles, she is able to relate to young mothers’ challenges and is a very credible and sought after mentor.

And since Sheri has never been perfect, she has made mistakes in her life. Through those experiences she has been able to relate to our children’s struggles. She is able to anticipate trouble, and can speak to our kids from a place of empathy and compassion. They do not feel judged, they feel understood.

There is no better proof of this than the words of our eldest daughter written for a scholarship application prior to Sheri receiving the national title:

‘My mother’s wise advice, peaceful demeanor, and balanced life have not gone unnoticed, and she recently was nominated for the Young Mother of the Year award. She is currently Indiana’s nominee for Young Mother of the Year. This acknowledgment is something of a joke in our family, as my mother would never seek attention or reward for her efforts to be the best mother she can be. My mother is, truly, an amazing woman. She is selfless. She is resourceful. She is wise, intelligent, and empathetic. Her ability to know how people are feeling and relate appropriately to their emotions is impressive and even uncanny. Most teens vow never to become like their mother, but I aspire for the opposite: I hope that when I have my own children, the guidance and love of my mother shines through my character.’  ~Courtney Carlstrom, 2010

So Sheri is not an incredible mother in spite of her imperfection. She is an incredible mother, mentor, friend, and wife because she is not perfect and has used that to her very best advantage.

Sheri – we love you and are very proud of you. You deserve every acknowledgement you receive. You are OUR Mother of the Year EVERY year. Love, Kevin

This is a note to any husbands reading this blog entry: (Wives, feel free to show this to your husbands) Mother’s Day is coming. Write your wife a note letting her know why she would have your vote for Mother of the Year. It will be a gift she will cherish.

Fast Forward Three Years

I had just made it through my exercise class at the Y last Wednesday when a woman came up to me and asked if I went to Sonrise Church, I said I did. She went on to say she didnt know if I remembered her, but three years ago I had sat with her on the bench while she cried.

I immediately knew who she was. I had thought of her often, in fact on Monday our exercise class was turned towards a different wall and seeing the bench upstairs, I had thought of her yet again.

She went on to tell me how much it had meant to have me sit with her. She said at the time she had been embarrassed by the tears, but grateful to know someone cared. She also said that day had become a turning point for her.

I was humbled greatly, and now tears sprang to my eyes. Something so simple had meant so much. I knew I had to post the original newspaper column here and then the follow up that I was so graciously granted. Her words inspired me once again to make sure that I am willing to act when it is within my power to act.

In our culture we are so busy; I think its easy to simply mind our own business and keep going. But what if we knew that the time we take, the care we express, the love we share could make the difference in the day, the direction or even the life of another? Wouldn't we lend a hand, share a word, or even sit for a moment?

Have you been impacted by an unexpected act? If so, click "comment" and inspire us through your story.

Rewind Three Years

This article was originally printed in the Journal Gazette on October 6, 2007.  

I was running at the Y when I saw her sitting on a bench, her face in a towel. At first I thought maybe she was just catching her breath, but as I got closer I saw her shoulders and knew she was sobbing. I looked around to see whether anyone she knew would come upon her, but she appeared to be alone.

As I got closer, I felt I should do something. Not being assured of what that was, I simply sat down next to her. She continued to sob, catching her breath, then sobbing some more, her face held in the towel.

Now what? I thought.
Awkward. Was my next thought.

Then Job's friends came to my mind. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because his suffering was so great. Job 2:13

Knowing I had no words, I put my head down and began to pray silently for her. We sat like that for quite awhile, then finally she lifted her tear-streaked face and looked at me. I said, I'll pray for you as I run, unless there is something else I can do for you now. She looked at me, extreme pain evident in her eyes and asked me searchingly, "Do you know me?"

Do you know me? I said No. But I was thinking, in a way the answer could have been yes. I have known sorrow so deep that I could not lift my face. I have sat alone.

She didn't know that I was listening to the Newsboys song, Go and that as she came into view the lyrics being pushed through my earbuds were Everybody needs somebody's shoulder to cry on, are you gonna lend a hand and assist? Someones needing a friend, I'm gonna send you.

I listened as she began to talk; she had recently moved here and was wondering where she fit, or more importantly...even if she fit. She wondered where she belonged.

Her question, Do you know me, has made its way deep into my soul today and I am wondering why. I believe we all long to be known. Do you recognize me? Am I needed? Accepted? If I didn't show up would anyone even notice...or care? Do I matter? Do I make a difference?

How do we let each other know the answers to these questions? They are significant questions and quite frankly we're all a little busy getting our stuff done. And if I'm being honest, when behind on projects and To Do lists, I'm not sure I feel like I can make the time investment it could take to let you know that: Yes, you matter. Yes, you are needed. Yes, you make a difference.

But if I keep my head down (like I sometimes do) in order to stay on track and avoid uncomfortable encounters, than I have missed it as a Christian. When I said Yes to Jesus then I also said Send me, and I am learning sometimes He really does say Go.

Its not always comfortable. Sometimes I say no. Sometimes I say later. But it is when I follow the promptings of my heart that I am reminded of Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those whom it is due when it is within your power to act. Do not say...come back tomorrow...when you already have it with you.

Think of the difference we would make if we all made even small efforts to let those around us (those we know, and those we do not) that we notice, that we care, that they belong. Are we going to lend a hand and assist?

Today, if you have it within you to act...then do.

Click here to read Fast Forward Three Years, an update to this article.

Ready for some Football

I love this time of year.
I love it even more when I see number 44 on the field.

I brought my camera to my son's game a few weeks ago and when I got home, I uploaded the pictures and called him over to check himself out. I loved looking through these pictures, especially the action pictures I got of him. But this is what I heard as his eyes scanned the photos, "Too high. Ahhh...my head needs to be up. I'm WAY too high. Here I am a little too high" and more.

He loves this game. He continually strives to be better, puts in the time, works hard. And I learned that evening that he isn't afraid to critique himself. He looked at himself and wondered what he needed to do to improve the play.

Its inspiring really. I wonder how much I could improve my game if I was willing to be critiqued. If I could look at the pictures and see where I need to put my head up, or put my shoulders down, to look and see if I am where I need to be to make the play for my team. Zach is inspiring to me in many ways ~ this is just one of them.