Love is....Sometimes Hard

Kevin and I were talking about our marriage last night. We are 20 years into this thing and we were talking about what makes it work for us. I told him I thought much of the credit went to him; he is very self-sacrificing. He has a focus on making sure he meets my needs, (and also many of my wants). He puts me first...a lot.

He said I get much of the credit because I hold things together. He sees me as the one to make sure things get done. I am the organizer and accomplisher of many things for our family.

I don't think we keep score. Let's face it, if we did, we would each have our eye on each others weaknesses, and according to what we said about each other, we would each fall short...constantly. Instead, it appears we have our eyes on each others strengths, and give credit where and when credit is due. We appreciate and are thankful for what we each bring to our marriage.

We weren't always this way - early on we were more protective of our own selves. I'm not sure we trusted each other completely to meet each others needs, we probably put more effort in guarding what we felt entitled to. Our focus was more on our own selves than on each other. It took marriage classes, books, guidance, mentoring and even a little therapy to trust each other with each other.

Many of us have had this passage read at our weddings, Love is patient, love is kind... This sounds beautiful as the pastor reads it and we stand in the church with our hands together and our eyes locked in love.  I have to admit it sounds completely different when I am tired, angry, hurt, empty and selfish. It is then when I need to make this verse more personal...

Sheri is patient.
Sheri is kind.
Sheri does not envy or boast.
Sheri is not proud.
Sheri does not dishonor others.
Sheri is not self-seeking.
Sheri is not easily angered.
Sheri keeps no record of wrongs.
Sheri does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.
Sheri always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I'm not sure my purpose in sharing this here today. Maybe its just that sometimes marriage is hard. By nature, we are selfish. Maybe we all need the reminder to take our eyes off the other person and put it back on ourselves as we run ourselves through the filter of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

Maybe reminding myself of the higher calling of love in marriage will help me continue to love Kevin well.